HEALTH EDUCATION

What if I’m pregnant?

Women may ask this question at many times in their lives — especially when their periods are late. If you think you’re pregnant, you may be asking yourself lots of other questions, too:

• Is having a baby the best choice for me?

• Is raising a child by myself the best choice for me?

• Is raising a child with a partner the best choice for me?

• Is placing the baby for adoption the best choice for me?

• Is having an abortion the best choice for me?

You want to choose what’s right for you. But first, be sure you are pregnant.

How can I be sure I’m pregnant?
You can have a pregnancy test done at a clinic or at home. Home pregnancy tests are available at pharmacies. They usually cost about $8-15. They can detect pregnancy as soon as a few days after a missed period. But be sure to follow exactly the directions on the package in order to get an accurate result.

Women who take home pregnancy tests often go to clinics to have the results confirmed by a health care provider. If your test is "positive," you will need a pelvic exam. The clinician will feel the size of your uterus to estimate how long you have been pregnant. Then you will need to decide what you want to do.

What are my choices?
You have three choices if you are pregnant.

• You can choose to have a baby and raise the child.

• You can choose to have a baby and place the child for adoption.

• You can choose to end the pregnancy.

There is no right or wrong choice for everyone. Only you can decide which choice is right for you. But deciding may not feel easy to do — there is a lot to think about.

How can I decide which choice is best for me?
Consider each of your choices carefully. Ask yourself:

• Which choice(s) could I live with?

• Which choice(s) would be impossible for me?

• How would each choice affect my everyday life?

• What would each choice mean to the people closest to me?

It may also help to ask yourself:

• What is going on in my life?

• What are my plans for the future?

• What are my spiritual and moral beliefs?

• What do I believe is best for me in the long run?

• What can I afford?

Talk about your feelings with your partner, someone in your family, or a trusted friend — someone you think will be supportive. Family planning clinics have specially trained counselors who can talk with you about your options. Your counselor will try to make sure that you are not being pressured into any decision against your will. You may bring your partner, your parents, or someone else if you wish. You get to decide who will be a part of your decision-making process.

Look for a clinic that will give you complete information about your options. If you need help, call your local Planned Parenthood center or click here to make an appointment..

Beware of so-called "crisis pregnancy centers" that are anti-abortion. Some of these centers advertise free pregnancy testing.

• They may perform your pregnancy tests without medical supervision.

• They won’t give you complete and correct information about all options.

• They will try to frighten you with films that are designed to keep you from choosing abortion.

• They will lie to you about the medical and emotional effects of abortion.

• They may tell you that you are not pregnant even if you are, to fool you into continuing your pregnancy without knowing. The delay would make abortion more risky and keep you from getting prenatal care.

• They will discourage you from using the most reliable methods of birth control.

Find out as much as you can about all your choices. Below is some information to consider:

How soon do I have to decide?
If there is a chance that you will continue the pregnancy — you should begin prenatal care as soon as possible. You should have a medical exam early in your pregnancy to make sure that you are healthy and the pregnancy is normal.

If you are considering abortion — you should make your decision as soon as possible. Abortion is very safe, but the risks increase the longer a pregnancy goes on.

While you are deciding what to do, take good care of yourself. If you decide to have a child, it’s important to be healthy.

• Eat enough good food — fruits, vegetables, cereals, breads, beans, rice, and dairy products, as well as fish, meat, and poultry.

• Keep your body in good shape. Stay active and get regular exercise.

• Get plenty of sleep.

• DO NOT SMOKE

• DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL

• Limit drinks with caffeine, like coffee and cola.

• Do not eat junk food.

• Do not take any drugs or medications — not even aspirin — without checking with your clinician.

You can get complete information about prenatal care and how to pay for it from your family doctor, your local Planned Parenthood center, other family planning clinics, women’s health centers, and your state’s department of family services. Good prenatal care is very important for a baby’s health.

To make an appointment with the Planned Parenthood center nearest you about your pregnancy options and prenatal care, call toll-free (1-800) 230-PLAN click here.

What about raising a child?
One of your choices is to continue your pregnancy and raise a child. Being a parent is exciting, rewarding, and demanding. It can help you grow, understand yourself better, and enhance your life.
There are two ways to raise a child.

• You might want to raise the child with a partner.

• You might want to raise the child without a partner.

Parenting with a partner
Most of us look forward to finding a life partner — someone to share the pleasures, responsibilities, and difficulties of family life. You may want to consider marriage if you intend to parent with a partner.

Marriage is a serious legal contract for both partners. Each partner accepts legal, as well as moral and emotional obligations. Every state has its own laws about marriage. If you are under 18, contact your local marriage license bureau or consult your religious adviser to find out about the laws in your state.

Consider premarital counseling if marriage is one of your choices. Taking the time to talk about marriage with a counselor can make a big difference. See a private counselor or get counseling through your church, temple, mosque, or some other community service. Family counseling is also helpful for all couples, married or not — whenever they consider beginning or expanding a family.

With or without marriage, a life partnership can succeed if both people are deeply committed to make it work and understand what each expects from the relationship

REMEMBER: A child can bring joy and many other rewards to a relationship. A child can also strain the best relationship. If your commitment is not solid, the relationship may fail.

Think about what your answers mean to you. You may want to discuss your answers with your partner, someone in your family, a friend, a trusted religious advisor, or your counselor.

Parenting without a partner
The challenge of raising a child alone can also be exciting and rewarding. It is easier if you find and use all the support you can. Be sure to let family and friends know that you hope for their support before you decide to become a single parent.

Even with the help of your family and friends, being a single parent is not easy. It is often complicated and frustrating. Your child’s needs will constantly change and so will your ability to meet those needs.

You may want to consider counseling to help you through these changes. You can find out about counseling from your local department of children’s services.

Your child will look to you for love and care — all day, every day. And you can take great pleasure helping your child grow into a happy, independent, and responsible adult.

But there will be no breaks. It takes years for children to become responsible for themselves. And convenient, affordable child care is difficult to find.

It takes a lot of money to raise a child. Earning a living for you and your child will be a real challenge — even if you have finished school and can get a good job. Your own parent(s) may find it hard to help you out with all the bills. Welfare payments barely cover the basics.

Because your child will need you so much, you may become more dependent on your own family and friends — for help with the child, for emotional support, and for money.

You may have to give up a lot of freedom to be a good single parent. On the other hand, because you will not have to make compromises with a partner, you can raise the child as you wish — with your values, principles, and beliefs.

Parenting requires lots of love and unlimited energy and patience. There will be times when you may feel that you are not doing a good job at it. To feel good about being a single parent, it must be what you want to do — for a long time. You already know what that means if you have other children. If you don’t, talk with a single mother or with a counselor who works with single mothers.

You may want to discuss your answers with someone in your family, a friend, a trusted religious advisor, or your counselor.

To reach the Planned Parenthood center nearest you for referrals to counselors and family service organizations, call toll-free
(1-800) 230-PLAN or click here to talk to a health educator.

What about placing the baby for adoption?
One of your choices is to complete your pregnancy and let someone else raise your child. Many women who make this choice are happy knowing that their children are loved and living in good homes. But some women find that the pain of being separated from their children is deeper and longer lasting than they expected.

There are two kinds of adoption:

Closed adoption — the names of the birth mother and the adoptive parents are kept secret from each other.

Open adoption — the birth mother may select the adoptive parents for her child. She and the adoptive parents may choose to get to know each other. They may also choose to have an ongoing relationship.

Adoption is legal and binding whether it is open or closed. Few adoptions are reversed by the courts. You will have to sign "relinquishment papers" some time after your baby is born. After signing, you may be given a limited period of time during which you may change your mind. In most states, minors do not need a parent’s consent to choose adoption. However, the child’s father can demand custody of the child unless he has already signed release papers for the adoption.

Adoption laws are different in every state. Find out in advance what they are in your state. Talk with an adoption counselor or lawyer before deciding on any arrangement. Be sure to read everything very carefully before you sign. It is always best to have a lawyer review all documents first.

There are thousands of women and men waiting to adopt newborn children. However, there is no guarantee that homes will be found for all children waiting to be adopted. This is especially true for children of color and children with disabilities.

Adoption is arranged in three ways.

• Agency (licensed) adoption — the birth parents "relinquish" their child to the agency. The agency places the child into the adoptive home.

• Independent (unlicensed) adoption — the birth parents relinquish their child directly into the adoptive home.

• Adoption by relatives — the court grants legal adoption to relatives.

All adoptions must be approved by a judge in a family or surrogate court.

Agency Adoption
You could place your child for adoption through a public or private agency that is licensed by the government. These agencies

• Provide counseling

• Handle legal matters

• Make hospital arrangements for your child’s birth

• Select a home for your child

• Refer you to agencies that may help you financially

Sometimes an agency is able to help find a home for you during your pregnancy. In agency adoption, your name and the adoptive parents’ names can be kept secret. However, many licensed agencies also offer various open adoption arrangements.

Most religious organizations can help you locate a licensed adoption agency. You can also look in the yellow pages under "Adoption Agencies" and "Social Service Organizations." You can also contact your state, county, or local department of family or child services, or your local Planned Parenthood center.

The National Adoption Information Clearinghouse can refer you to licensed agencies in your area — call toll-free (1-888) 251-0075.

Independent Adoption
You can arrange an independent adoption through a doctor or lawyer or someone else who knows a couple that wants to adopt. Some states have private, independent adoption centers that provide counseling. These centers are run by women and men who want to adopt.

An independent adoption is usually an open adoption. The adoptive parents will often agree to pay for your hospital and medical bills until the child is born. They may even pay for your living expenses during that time.

Usually the adoptive parents hire one lawyer to represent them and you. If you choose independent adoption, you should consider having a lawyer of your own to make sure your interests are protected. To find one, contact your local state bar association, family court, local family service organization, the Legal Aid Society, or the National Council for Adoption. A social worker can also help you find a lawyer.

You will be asked to sign a "take into care" form after you give birth. This allows the adoptive parents to take the child home while the state studies their family life and home environment. The study takes six to eight weeks. During this time, both you and the prospective parents can change your minds. When the study is over, you will be asked to sign "relinquishment papers."

For information and referrals about independent adoption, call the Independent Adoption Center hotline: (1-800) 877-6736. Planned Parenthood and other family planning centers can also provide information about independent adoption.

Adoption by Relatives
You may want your child to stay in your own family. However, independent adoptions with a relative must also be approved by a family- or surrogate-court judge. Your relatives will have to be studied by a state agency before the adoption can be finalized. And you will have no more parental rights than if you had placed the child with strangers.

You may want to discuss your answers with your partner, someone in your family, a friend, a trusted religious advisor, or your counselor.
Foster Care

In some cities and counties, temporary foster care may be available for the children of mothers who need more time to decide between adoption and parenting.

You and the child’s father must both sign a legal foster care agreement to have another family care for your child. It’s a good idea to consider a legal contract even if someone in your family provides the foster care. Legal contracts can help prevent misunderstandings.

Foster care agreements include

• How often you agree to visit your child
• How long your child will stay with the foster care family
• How much money you may have to pay for the child’s care
• How often you must see the social worker

You could lose your child if you don’t keep your part of the agreement. It is important to remember that foster care is only temporary and is not a good substitute for a permanent home.

Laws about foster care vary from state to state. To find out more about foster care, consult your state’s department of child welfare or talk to someone at your local Planned Parenthood center.
To make an appointment with the Planned Parenthood center nearest you to discuss adoption and your other pregnancy options, call toll-free (1-800) 230-PLAN click here.

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